Consider yourself warned: PG 13 language

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Girly Drinks for Manly Men?

Anyone who has ever been to a bar has seen it: A man saunters up to the bar and orders the fruitiest drink on the menu. The bartender will usually say, "And....?" reasonably enough because this man should be ordering this type of girly drink for his lady and a nice whiskey for himself. Generally, one of three things happens:

He is actually ordering it for his girlfriend. So fuck off.

He pulls a J.D from Scrubs and owns up to it. This individual will acknowledge that it's a girly drink then happily consume it. Sad fact, he won't realize that an applemartini is a metaphor for his role in all of his relationships.

Who are we kidding? He doesn't have a girlfriend.

Another situation that will happen during the lifetime of a bar-goer: multiple men drinking girly drinks together. They don't pretend that it's for their girlfriends thus we must accept that this phenomenon is caused because one of two reasons:

They're formerly-hood-turned-rich-ballers and can do whatever the fuck they want.

They're a wolf pack of college guys who were rejected from the frat and pretend not to care so they all go out together and think girls will be "all over us--tonight is the night for sure bro" and they'll just sit around acting hard, waiting for the above mentioned (imaginary) girls; then one guy (the one in the middle) will say, "Yo, bros, let's order those girly drinks and the ladies will think we're totally tough yet sensitive and they'll take off their shirts."

No. We won't. Ever. Because we're sitting at the bar laughing at you while we drink beers.

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